我把自己给骗了

我还在相信

梦该怎么碎？！
才会觉得值得被安慰...
你的出现...到底是为什么？！
我会不会看漏了哪个部分？！
事情的背后总是还有其他故事...
我怕的是那个故事的存在又把我推到谷底...

Got scared..
Everything is juz like meaningless... When you realized ntg is there for a reason...
It juz there for a coincidence...
Gone means gone...
I juz can angry at myself for all the mistake I have done! 
I'm not missing you...
Juz your name your face your things keep spinning in the head...
No one is worth for me to do that...
it reached a point until I scared...
I dun want to use another one to replace you again... You are not replaceable...
Hahaha... Life know that we juz went different ways... It's in parallel...
You hate me... Not only you... Everyone do...
Because I juz like to do the things make pepo hates me...
So that I won't miss them...
They won't miss me...
Even myself in the same position...
Because only I know what am I doing...
How stupid am I...
How idiot am I...
Mr K, this story alr into a coffin...
Juz why I still standing beside the story...
Ntg allowed.. Other than forget...
I hate you... I really hate you...
Why you want to train me as an adult but not treating me well as a child...
Hahaha... Let me give myself an answer...
Because I not deserve for it...
Your shadow will be there forever...
Continue like current... We are not friends... We are ntg... That's the things you want... That's the things that everyone want... 
Negative?!  Lolz... It's a truth to wake myself up from dream...
Cry?!  No one allowed me to cry...
Sorry for that day...
Sorry for everything...
Sorry for the disturbance...

你

在你眼里 到底哪个是我

在你嘴里 到底哪句是真

在我脑里 到底何时能忘

在我心里 到底何日离去

想不通 讲不明 到不了 走不去

每天都有你的影 在梦

每天都有你的影 在脑

每天都有你的影 在心

那么温暖的问候 始终还是在指尖中流走

时间一天天远走 还想念那秒的所有 

现在却只能当 只是场梦

那是回不去的时间 回不去的梦

我却被混在这愚蠢的梦 走不出 逃不了

这三个月 你的影走不了

这三个年 你的忆盖不了

那三小时 你的情忘不了

那三个天 你的话忘不了

不想懂 不能明 不去动 不去说

时刻都是我的心 在累

时刻都是我的心 在烦

时刻都是我的心 在痛

那么温暖的问候 始终还是在指尖中流走

时间一天天远走 还想念那秒的所有 

现在却只能当 只是场梦

那是回不去的时间 回不去的梦

我却被混在这愚蠢的梦 走不出 逃不了

There are too many things I want to show out to you...
How is my life changed when the time you not here...
But all this will burst since that day.. It's because of him... This is the fact that I have to admit...
Until today.. The most scared is not I continue blaming myself how stupid am I to continue with you...
It's I hope he still there someday for me...
I'm too good for him... But how about you...
Sometimes I really think... I really reserved for you to hurt and spend...
Really...
I dunno who I should blame...
I really can't put him aside...
He is still the one for me deep in heart now...
Even he is going more deep than before...
For you... I'm enjoying the real face of a pepo...
I think I should stop everything from you...
But some wonder there killed me...
It's hurt... From him...
But the hate is from you...
I think I m not deserved anything...
I deserved to be stay alone...
Maybe these day juz not really used to the lone life...
Sorry...

Can I cry?!
Do I want to cry?!
Do I need to cry?!
I dunno...
You mean too much for me...
You mean ntg for me...
This term seem to be go for BS more suitable... Rite?!
Hmmmmm...
At least I'm comfort with everything when you around...
Not need to have more talking...but juz comfort...
I dunno what life has indicate me to....
I get so frustrated to what has been happening within this two months...
But at least I saw the changes there...
But I can't enjoy the changes with you anymore...
Thanks for the long way...

Hahahaha...
Sometimes I juz hope I got a car bang...
Everything stopped in that moment...
Everything juz gone to memory...
That's enough for me...
That's the only way I can forgive myself...
For this one year and half...

It's life...
Learned...
Not to be hard...but a long way...

The first post after all...
What am I now?!
Idk...
I juz know everyone is leaving...
And I'm sleepy at this moments...
I know most likely later I will awake same like usual...
The heart is calling the brain...
Because of you again...
I shouldn't think about you...
When there is no hope...
When there is juz left awkward...
But it's ridiculous...
Because I made the awkward situation for myself...
Actually I should have know before...
I should trust a guy that I knew for four years... But shouldn't trust his three days words...
The dream has been gone...
He juz a reminder that send by God...
Remind me it's time to awake...
Remind me that something is wrong somewhere...
Remind me that I need to change when I still have time...
Remind me that I love him...
No way to blame anyone...
Same things to the decision that made one year half ago...
No way to blame anyone...
My decision...
But now... Me is back... But everything... everyone... Time has been past...
You are ritez... I'm too young...
I knew that...
It's impossible...
At least I'm sure it's not me...
Hahaha... I'm ntg..
You said,  I'm in a way too good...
Hmmmm... Actually I did ntg for you...
Other than trouble... Maybe... Hahaha... Or problems... I will happy if you tell me I did joke for you all the time..
Sorry my brain still ruining...
Actually I have no qualified to say anything to you...
I deserved to be alone...